begin to wonder, m i showing my true self everyday to everyone? or m i jus trying to make the rest happy by being a clown in front of everyone? im jus feeling so tired studying. cant wait for next friday to end.
im still very disturbed abt the marks i got for my last tests. i noe u all will say," its all the past already, no pt brooding over it. do ur best next time." i noe i noe i noe.
dun feel tis week peaceful. i even had nightmares. ppl ard me are pia-ing their work. telling me stress stress stress.... PLS dun make me stress too. even at hm, i had to b at a tip top condition. another kind of fear in me. i dun tink anyone could ever understand. suddenly feel tat i can confide all these to no one. found tis small little corner, and type down all these. and oso, stop telling me u all understand how i feel, stop telling me God understand. stop telling me God has a reason for all these to happen. to put it in a rude manner, im sick of hearing all these. as in... yahs.. i noe He understands. i noe He has a reason. i noe all these.....
im easily disturbed by the things happening ard me. my friends tat i noe since young, (pri skool) actually disappoint me. by wad they become and wad they did. indeed, bad company corrupts good morale. u can go astray easily, but hard to turn back. both of them r my good friends. they r once soo innocent. i still remember them sharing gospel wif me, on fire for God. now... its my turn to pray for them. one of them is actully getting engaged. my heart turns sour when i hear this. she nv fails to shock me since i noe her in pri skool. a girl, can change so much within 2, 3 yrs time. forgetting all the things she learnt when she's in church since young.
i recalled wad weilian said in superstar. he said if 100 ppl encouraged him or praise him and 1 person discouraged him, he will forget the 100 ppl and focus on the 1 person. tink im same as him ba. and den suddenly realise abt... "Unintentionally Negative Programming". when m i gonna kick tis.. habit? tis character or personality? i always like to think alot. tink its not good. i must think less, reflect more. rite?
ok, enough of my nonsense, crapping.
